Concerned Americans write: 

I’m president of my neighborhood watch. I keep an eye on the area and report suspicious activity. But now I’m afraid I might call 9–1–1 and the suspect will turn out to be a Harvard professor. Should I question suspicious people before calling the police? 

Afraid Obama Will Call Me Stupid. 

I know just how you feel. Before we moved, one of my demands was no Harvard professors in the new neighborhood. They litter the streets with dust jackets from Noam Chomsky books and their cheese stinks. 

It’s standard operating procedure and not anti–degree bias that caused the police officer to ask the Harvard professor to come outside his residence. Homes are full of weapons and agitated people are likely to use one. 

Just think how much more nervous you become during an argument with your wife when you notice she’s standing by the knife block. 

As for interviewing enraged, privileged, elitists, I don’t advise it. That’s a job for cable TV reporters. 

My boss is a real pain, he expects me here every day, all day. I see Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine is a part time governor, but collects a fulltime salary. Should I work for him?  

Is My Future in Politics? 

Gov. Kaine originally said he would only work as DNC Chairman in his spare time; and then refused to release the travel records that reveal he was only working as governor in his spare time. Kaine claims “privacy and security” as the justification. 

Tim, if you want to keep your life private, don’t run for governor. And the security fixation is another example of Kaine’s inflated sense of his own importance. What danger does he or any other governor face? Carrying his suitcase? Answering the phone? In the history of the US a total of two governors have been assassinated; one in 1847 and the other in 1905. 

Kaine claims he needs security nearby so he can communicate in an emergency. So if you want to join the Virginia State Police and take months of specialized security training so you can hand Tim the phone, be my guest. 

Is it true what they are saying on MSNBC — Sarah Palin is leaving so she can date Mark Sanford? 

South American Female  

When you think about it, Obama’s federal money may have been the only stimulus that South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was strong enough to turn down. And although I threw my vote away when I wrote in Sarah Palin for President last year, I think she has enough sense to steer clear of the Paladin of the Pampas. 

It’s bad enough that dog–abuser Michael Vick is going to be allowed to play in the NFL this year. Now I read that police have arrested 19 people in a Connecticut finch–fighting ring. Have we declared war on the animal world? 

Still Cries During Bambi 

I believe Vick should be forbidden to play for any team named after an animal. And when he plays animal teams; the mascot should be allowed to kick Vick in the behind during halftime ceremonies. 

Finally, I think there is a great deal of confusion regarding this “finch fighters” story. It’s my belief that these people were actually training “attack finches” that would serve as home protection for liberals who think guard dogs are too provocative. 

Michael R. Shannon is a public relations and advertising consultant with corporate, government and political experience around the globe. He is a dynamic, entertaining and funny keynote speaker for corporate, non–profit and governmental organizations.